RIGHTLY CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER
We all make choices, either good or bad. More importantly, the kind of choice you make will determine your experience. God doesn’t make our choices for us. Making choices is independent of oneself. Your current position in Life is the choice you made yesterday.After salvation, the most critical choice you must make is who to marry. This choice is so crucial that if you miss it, you will suffer for a long time, but, on the other hand, if you rightly choose a life partner, you will enjoy it forever.
I have set before you Life and death, blessings and curses. Therefore, choose Life so you and your descendants may live, Deuteronomy 30:19.
ESCAPING A BAD MARRIAGE
A bad marriage can affect every other area of your Life. This subject is essential; many married people hope to be single again to make the right choice. If you are single, please don’t just be in a hurry to get married. You have the best opportunity to prepare for it. For two people to come together to live in peace and harmony, they must agree spiritually, mentally, and physically. This is the first step in how to rightly choose a life partner.
Just like an elephant cannot marry an ant, a believer cannot marry an unbeliever. If an elephant marries an ant, how would they live? If a goat marries a fish, where would they meet? Therefore, you must look for a Godly man or a Godly woman to marry, and nothing can beat this. That’s if you’re a Christian, and if you’re not one, the point I’m trying to pass across is you are choosing the kind of person with the same philosophy.
The devil’s primary target is the family. He knows that everyone belongs to a family, and if he can make two wrong people meet, he has succeeded in negatively affecting the community and nations. Ignore your age and the pressure for a moment; the pressure in a wrong marriage is far worse. God has somebody for you, but you must set your priorities right.
What do you need in a woman? What do you need in a man? Marriage is not about what you want, it is about who you need, and that will make you better while you make him better. It’s about giving, not what to get. It is about destiny. That is why you must know your purpose before you get married.
You must pray before you choose. God knows the best person for you, and it is only wise to seek His will. It is effortless to know God’s will when sex is not involved. However, when sex is involved, and you want to know His will, you may not. Why? Because you will not be bold to approach Him.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” Genesis 3:8 to 10.
When you do what you are not supposed to, you eventually go into hiding, losing confidence in yourself.
If you have had sex in the past, you need to repent and stay away from each other for some time; then, you can seek the face of God. Then, your marriage will not be hell on earth. Instead, your marriage will be honorable in the name of Jesus Christ.
Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value], and the marriage bed undefiled [by immorality or by any sexual sin]; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4.
Don’t marry for sex, don’t marry because you are of age, don’t marry because you are getting old, don’t marry because you are lonely, don’t marry because you need someone to support you financially, don’t marry because you mistakenly got pregnant, don’t marry because you don’t want to lose the person, don’t marry because of family pressures, don’t marry because you like the idea of marriage and admire every wedding gown you see, don’t marry because all your friends are getting married but get married because you want to fulfill destiny.
In order to rightly choose a life partner, get married because you want to be a help mate. As a man, get married because you want to fulfill your purpose. Grow your knowledge of a relationship and marital Life. Seek Godly counsel and pray for guardians.
GOD’S KIND OF LOVE
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18.
We have God’s kind of love and emotional love. The above scripture talks about God’s love already in us as Christians.
And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. Romans 5:5.
When we express this godly love, we will not be afraid when choosing a spouse because this love focuses on God’s Character in humans. This sacred love’s expression will make us not undermine someone with Godly Character because their present state may not decide their future.
Take an example from the story of Jephthah, David, Joseph, Peter, Rahab, Elizabeth, Ruth, and the list goes on; their present state could not decide their future. Only in God’s family can a prisoner be a prime minister overnight. (JOSEPH) An angler could become an apostle (PETER), and a prostitute could be called a righteous woman in the eyes of God. (RAHAB) They all had an unacceptable present, but a great future was in them.
Many tongue-speaking Christians miss their opportunities because opportunities do not look like one. It looks like dirty, working, unclean clothes. It takes only those who practice God’s kind of love to identify such.
EMOTIONAL LOVE
Emotional love focuses on what we can see, complexion, height, dress, house, cars, societal position, and all kinds of materials we can imagine.
2 Corinthians 4:18. “While we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. The things which are seen are temporary, but the things that are not seen are eternal.
It is better to work as a cart pusher at 20 years old and become a manager at 70 years old than being a manager at 40 years old than working as a cart pusher at 70 years old. However, it is not always good to refuse any guy or girl because of their current job, career, or family background.
Emotional love is not a better foundation to build a relationship upon; If you do, it will sink. However, everyone with God’s nature has a future to fulfill, and none of us has the right to ignore it, whether female or male, color or class.
“The voice spoke to him a second time, “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.” Acts 10:15.
FOUR QUALITIES TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BECOME THE RIGHT CANDIDATE
Secret keeping:
One of the qualities to succeed in achieving our dreams is keeping secrete. [Elizabirth]
Now after those days his wife Elizabeth conceived; and she hid herself five months, Luke 1:24.
We should not be carried away with Life and not be sensitive to our environment. We should know that not everyone around us is happy with us. “and a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ Matthew 10:36.
They might be just a conveyer of information from you to your enemy without being aware of the damage they might cause. Maybe with excitement, what you think you are celebrating may be attacked. Some of your siblings will be fighting you; it is not new. Take an example from the story of Kane, Abel, Esor, and Jacobe. Even our Lord Jesus, the perfect example, told His Desciple to be secretive in Matthew 17:9.
“Now as they came down from the mountain, Jesus commanded them, saying, “Tell the vision to no one until the Son of Man is risen from the dead.” So protect your relationship until it reaches a full age when the foundation is stable and ready to go.
So many young girls have married their elder sister’s husbands—verse versal. The act of betrayal is common. Be careful with to who you introduce your fiancé or fiancée.
Keeping the right attitude:
It would be best for you to sound convinced that you can become a wife and mother. It is two-way-sided because what you want to see in the man, too, wants to see in you. You are the seller while he is the buyer. You want to sell; he wants to buy. You have to be convinced that you are an excellent product to buy. On the other side, the man needs to present himself satisfactorily. Sound convinced as a capable future father and a caring man. The buyer has work to do as much as the girl wants to sell.
The females should learn from REBEKAH in Genesis 24 how she uniquely sold herself out. While the men should draw JOSEPH’s ideas, he prepared himself to meet Pharaoh, and that single act made him a Prime Minister with just one right attitude.
Genesis 41:14.
Be futuristic:
You don’t use your today to judge yourself. It would be best if you portrayed a better tomorrow for yourself. Do not criticize anyone that comes to you in marriage with his present work or condition. Talk about your dreams and not your problems. Paint a better picture of what you want to see in your life and the marriage you wish to enter. Both sided.
And he said unto them, Hear, I pray you, this dream which I have dreamed: For, behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and, lo, my sheaf arose, and also stood upright; and, behold, your sheaves stood round about, and made obeisance to my sheaf. Genesis 37:6,7. Dream makes you see things, not how they appear but how they should be.
What are you looking for?
All you are looking for is not just a man or a woman in your Life. Remember, you will share all of your Life with this person for the rest of your Life. Therefore, it must be a heart affair.
Young men, you will share all your Life with this lady for the rest of your Life. You can’t jump in and jump out. Take time to discern the heart. It implies both sides.
A relationship that will last a lifetime cannot be a face affair. It has to be a heart affair. Therefore, the issue of who to marry is serious and comparable to God choosing a king for Israel.
Humans Look At The Face, But God Looks At The Heart
And it came to pass, when they were come, that he looked on Eliab, and said, Surely the Lord’s anointed is before him.
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:6-7.
On the face, Eliab was handsome. He was tall. Despite his attractive face, he was well-fed, but his heart was dirty towards God.
Many times we look at the status-we do not look at the content. We look at what we can get from him. Singles tend to marry for what they can get out of each other.
Relationships hinged based on material things will crash. Knowledge is the only sustaining factor of a lasting relationship. I didn’t have to get my parents to like my wife. I am the one who married her. I love her, and 12 years have proved it to be so.
Observe The Heart
God found faith and a good heart in David.
And when he had removed him, he raised up unto them David to be their king; to whom also he gave their testimony, and said, I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after mine own heart, which shall fulfil all my will. Acts 13:22.
Discern the heart, and be sure your heart is not afraid, fearful, or condemns you for the choice; and If you doubt-don’t.
Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth. Romans 14:22.
Do not go into a marriage in doubt; you must be sure that you are confident that you know your decision.
Conclusion
To rightly choose a life partner, look for Character and not charisma. You go for the content and not the container. David is small in stature but full of Character, while Samson has charisma but zero Character. It was a character that took Joseph to the palace. Many born-again Christians will never have dated Joseph because he was a slave boy. But guess what? That was an opportunity in disguise, which is why I am telling you that people who hunt for charisma, who are so conscious of materialism, will eventually miss out.
I had a similar story to that of Joseph. Someone is asking, was I a slave? Not really, but I think so! I had no portfolio when I met my wife, Nonye. I had no charisma when she agreed to marry me. Really? Yes really. She brushed me up; she invested in me when she saw I had valuable content. And now she is reaping from it. She was not moved by my outward appearance, which many of you do, and missed out on having the right spouse.
The ability to see beyond the container is to live and practice Godly love. Learn to invest in people. Do not always think about what you will gain from the relationship you intend to enter, but think about what to add. Marriage is not a contract but a covenant. A contract is about all you can get, while a covenant is about what you can give.
Secrets For A Lasting Marriage
Many want to marry someone with Charisma like Samson instead of someone with a Character like Joseph. Delilah’s appearance was good-looking, but she had zero Character. Don’t go for the container; instead, go for the content. Character is what keeps a marriage, not outward looks. Rethink before you say I do.
