Seven Keys To Overcome Family Crisis

Right from creation, God demonstrated His interest in and the value placed on the marriage institution and the family by being directly involved in its institution. He did not merely speak it into being as He did with other creatures. Instead, he carefully put the institution of marriage together, step by step. 

“Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. Genesis 2:22. 

Marriage is a union. It is the coming together of two people of the opposite sex, intending to build a God-centered home. One man and one woman involve a higher relationship level than any other person. It is a union of Spirit, soul, and body. 

 “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Genesis 2:24. 

The marriage relationship was a place of joy, peace, and fulfillment, but it has been the reverse. That is why we must know the causes of the family crisis/divorce and the way out. 

Causes:

Self-centeredness: 

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Instead, in humility, value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3. 

In marriage, we should not be in the driver’s seat. God should be in the driver’s seat of our family. The problems come when we put ourselves in the driver’s seat. We are thinking about our personal needs; we do not care about the next person in the marriage relationship. In other words, it is called the survival mentality. All we are after is what to get out of the relationship, not what we should individually contribute. If we care about each other, we will not see fault in ourselves. 

And above all things have fervent Love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8.

You are only hurting yourself by staying mad, holding grudges, and harboring bitterness towards your spouse or other people around you. It is not harming the other person or improving your present state. God did not create you with the capacity to carry such things as unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is caused by self-centeredness. You are so full of yourself that you don’t care about other people in your life. Nursing wounds and using your imagination to punish others only wreck your relationships and eventually kill you. Let go.

One day I was praying, and the Lord told me to tell my wife to forgive her mother, and if she didn’t, what happen to her marriage would repeat itself in my wife’s marriage. Do I want to experience a divorce in my marriage? Not at all. That is how lousy unforgiveness is. You can overcome self-centeredness by focusing on God; that is, you are focusing on the biblical principle.

God created you to a life focused on Him. he purposed from the beginning that your God-consciousness should always supersede your self-consciousness. A true lesson to be learned from the first family, Adam and Eve. Both enjoyed constant awareness of their Creator until they ate the forbidden fruit. That is when their attention fell from God to themselves, and that single act generated the consequences of self-centeredness throughout human history.

Good News. Hope in Jesus. Through the Last Adam’s sacrifice and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, everything you need to live in continual God-consciousness has already been provided. Therefore, you can choose to leave self-centeredness behind and return your focus to the one you were created for.

Speculative imagination:

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

1 Corinthians 13:7.  

This kind of imagination is sinful, demonic, and destructive. It is the voice of the devil targeted to destroy the marriage relationship. It paints a gloomy picture of the other person in the relationship. It de-generates to strife, anger, rift, etc. 

“Whoever loves transgression loves strife; he who makes his door high seeks destruction. Proverbs 17:19. 

Your mental image determines your emotions because it explicitly determines your actions. When your entire thought process is pure and righteous, you can easily choose suitable over evil because you are entirely in control of your mind. I am not saying you won’t be challenged by setting situations, but those situations won’t control you.

The way you think controls everything. The image you have on the inside is a product of your thinking. It determines your actions. That is why having a positive, Christ-centered self-image is essential despite what your spouse reflects. And the way to develop that positive self-image is by being renewed in the Spirit of your mind.

 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.. Romans 12:2.

Neglect/Familiarity: 

“Do not neglect your gift, which was given you….” 1 Timothy 4:14.  

We all see proficient skills in our spouses before we say I do. So those are gifts/abilities that God gave us to spice up our marriage relationship. It may look simple, but it is not; we all need it to keep us feeling good in our relationship.  

1 Peter 4:9,10. “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 

Some are kind, encouraging words,  good dressing, being in good shape, hospitable, sex styles, etc. But unfortunately, over-familiarity has destroyed many marriages. So in whatever thing you are good at, don’t neglect it. Instead, we should keep everything new in our relationship. Scripture says there are new every morning—lamentation 3:23.

Don’t get old in your mind, looks, and way of doing things. If you are true to yourself, you will agree with me that out of one million things you saw in your spouse before saying I do, one out of the millions stands out. Why do you think that one thing is no more important? You get it wrong by neglecting that one thing. So many homes have separated because of that single negligence.

Emotional control:

A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls. Proverbs 25:28.  

We should control our emotions and not our emotions being in control. We Should be observant of each other; politely ask questions when necessary. A marriage relationship is a place we study and learn for ourselves. We should put the fruit of the Spirit to work if we want to overcome our emotions.  

“But the fruit of the Spirit is Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law. Galatians 5:22,23. 

Don’t get irritated over everything. Again, an extreme reaction; that’s, reacting to everything makes you look like a child in the relationship. That you are old doesn’t mean you are mature. Maturity is in mind. Your ability to respond to home situations can tell if you are a baby or an adult. Grow up and stop throwing tantrums.

Way out:

Increase in knowledge:

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Hosea 4:6. 

The level of Our knowledge of God’s Word will determine the success of our marriage.  “Study to shew thyself approved unto God a Workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the Word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15.  

Our marriage cannot grow above our knowledge of God. We are not talking about our educational carrier knowledge; that has nothing to do with our marital lives. Every carrier has its source of knowledge. The source of spousal knowledge is in God’s Words. We should go for the Word, study, and practice it.

Every divorce in marriage is a knowledge failure. Not Love, not wealth, and not every other thing you think. Divorce has no respect for your social stature because you can agree with me that in your society, you have seen divorce harassing all classes of people you can imagine.

For example, the rich, poor, educated, illiterate, and old and the young also divorce, and Christians and unbelievers divorce too. That is why I say it is a knowledge problem.

Ignorance of the law is not an excuse; that is what society will always say. The truth is marriage is not peculiar to any culture or country. It is heaven’s culture; therefore not traditional in any way but scriptural. 

Every manufacturer has a manual for its product, and every organization has a blueprint for its cooperation. Marriage is the idea of God, and His Word guides what needs to be known about it to make it successful.

Since God instituted marriage, anyone who wants success in marriage should make God the center of such a relationship. God is the only sure foundation for success in marriage. Unfortunately, so many Christians fail in the concept of marriage, so I am not talking about mere identification but dept knowledge of His manual/blueprint of the marriage institution.

Developing a relationship with God:

“That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; Philippians 3:10.  

This scripture talks about having a relationship with God, not head knowledge or religious knowledge, but about having an intimate, close fellowship with God.  

“And Adam knew Eve, his wife, and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord. Genesis 4:1. 

The level of our relationship with God will determine the kind of fruit we will have. Therefore, if we have issues in our marital life, we should check our relationship with God and adjust. The process of building a relationship with God is practicing the fruit of the Spirit. 

But the fruit of the Spirit is Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law. Galatians 5:22,23. 

We already have these fruits in us if we are God’s followers. We should cultivate them and start using them, not asking God for them; it is already in us. Most of the time, we pray a lot and do nothing. Some principles that govern marriage are in the book/Bible.  

So I wept much, because no one was found worthy to open and read the scroll, or to look at it—revelation 5:4. 

As long as the marriage manual is closed, marriage’s weeping continues, and divorce is inevitable. If nothing works, know that it is not God but a lack of knowledge. 

Right Philosophy: 

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2.  

There are a lot of wrong beliefs in our lives that we must delete. Inaccurate information will produce false beliefs, erroneous beliefs will create wrong thinking, wrong thinking will produce improper behavior, and unacceptable behavior/attitude will destroy marriage. 

Now the mind of the flesh [which is sense and reason without the Holy Spirit] is death [death that comprises all the miseries arising from sin, both here and hereafter]. But the mind of the [Holy] Spirit is life and [soul] peace [both now and forever]. Romans 8:6.

Most of us carry a faulty mentality into our marriage and forget to realize that our actions are motivated by our thought. So when we act out what we believe, we blame the devil. If both of you as spouses have contentious unresolved issues, then check your belief system because your reaction will not stop until your belief system is changed.

The devil or society are not cases of every problem in marriage; not every issue in marriage needs prayer. So examine yourselves before pointing fingers.

Walking in Wisdom

It is wise to practice God’s Words, ruled by God’s Word, and allow God’s Word to be our light in our marriage relationship. We are all in a position to build our marriage or destroy it. Whenever we notice tensions in our marriage, Wisdom is ignored. A solid pillar to keeping a marriage is Wisdom. 

Through skillful and godly Wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built, and by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation], Proverbs 24:3.  

Being ruled by God’s Words, irrespective of the circumstances surrounding you is Wisdom. God will not force Himself on us, but it is a choice if we will be humble to learn from Him or do it our way. Our ways will not be the best.

So everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts upon them [obeying them] will be like a sensible (prudent, practical, wise) man who built his house upon the rock. 

Matthew 7:24.

Mr and Mrs,
Divorce has knocked on every marital home. Some homes send knowledge to open the door and find nothing, but some send ignorance to open the door and find a divorce, and they experience what they saw.